A couple of evenings ago, Charlie came in from outside very excited about something he had found. He was tossing it in the air and catching it and running around and tossing it in the air again, which made me ask …
LURA (to Tim): What is that he has?
TIM: Probably something he shouldn’t have.
LURA: I wonder, so far this week he tried to eat a fishing bobber and a light bulb. (Reaches for the dark blob Charlie has dropped on the floor.) Charlie, give that to me.
CHARLIE (snatching the dark blob out of Lura’s hand): No way, it’s mine! I will throw it, and catch it, and run with it, and name it George!
LURA: Wanna bet? (Drops cheesy noodle on the kitchen floor.) Oh look, Charlie! A cheesy noodle dropped on the floor! Come get it!
CHARLIE: Cheesy noodle! I’m on the case!
TIM: He just dropped whatever it is in front of the TV.
LURA: Got it!
TIM: What is it?
LURA (like something out of a horror film shower scene): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! It’s a fish head!!!!! (Throws fish head, rushes to sink, begins scrubbing hands with copious amounts of detergent.) Was he in the pond!?!!?
TIM (Picking up the thing with a tissue and examining it): It’s not a fish head, it’s a baby mouse.
LURA (Douses hands with more detergent and scrubs them with a brush) : No! No! No! No! It’s a cat giftie! He is harvesting cat gifties from the driveway! My hand is ruined! It was all slimy! Give me more soap!
TIM: Want a hug?
LURA: No! Don’t touch me with your hands!
TIM: I picked it up with a tissue; it’s your hands that are contaminated. Also, I wouldn’t let Charlie kiss you.
LURA: Oh gag, make him gargle in Listerine!
TIM: I’ll give him a biscuit, these are supposed to freshen the breath.
CHARLIE (exuding dead mouse breath): I don’t want that. Where is my toy? Give me my toy!
LURA: No Charlie, no cat gifties, and don’t breathe on me, gross!
After an hour of experimentation, we learned Fritos corn chips will clean the dead mouse smell off a dog’s breath.
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